i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
not ubering you a puppy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
