my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
