there were more penises there than on chat roulette
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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