so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
