He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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