i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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