I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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