just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Text me some of your sweat
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