Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
