I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
