You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
