Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I currently don't understand fingers.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
