You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
