they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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