as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
