why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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