We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
