I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
