4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need to sanitize my soul.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
