In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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