and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
