So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
