he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
