dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
