It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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