I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Michael Bay diarrhea
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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