Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
