thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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