just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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