1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
