so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thank you for not boning my boss.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
