I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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