i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
