Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
