I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
