I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
