Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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