chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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