I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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