my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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