I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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