i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
