some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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