just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
