Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
