You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
