i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
