im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and she was petting her beer can
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
