U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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