there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
