I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
