I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
