and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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