Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize