Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
