I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
