yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
