im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
