We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
