The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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