hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
