so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
