please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
