just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want a musical about memes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
