Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
