I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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