The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
